18 January 2011

Coldfusion SuxxOrs

1995 called; it wants its crufty web application server back.

Unfortunately, I have to work with this POS due to an ongoing project. Not only do I have the unmitigated joy 1 of having to deal with someone else's slapdash, half-arsed, Dreamweaver crapped-out "code" 2 that would make a Coding for Dummies example look like NASA, CERN & MIT had a magical fairy love child, but I have to have this abomination installed on my computer for testing purposes.

Let me interject here that my computer is my baby. Being a huge nerd, I have two different OS's installed with about 12 different browsers installed. Half of those are different major versions of Internet Explorer 6-8, which only get cracked open when I need to see if how badly Bill Gates' satanic afterbirth of a browser mucks up my pretty web-standards compliant XHTML/CSS. I digress...

Having to install Coldfusion App Server reminds me of The Pain from Princess Bride: "Dear God, what is that Thing?!" Every few months I have to reinstall it when it decides it no longer wants to play nice with XAMPP. JRun, well, runs rampant every thrice blue moon, eating up memory until I kill & restart. And CFML? Puh-lease. I have no respect for any so-called language that ignores variable name case.

GRAR! HULK SMASH! *pant pant* 3

Geek rant over.

1Why yes, that is heavy sarcasm. Why do you ask?
2Picture me making finger air quotes around the word "code"
3Now that I've gotten that out of my system, I shall now commence randomly spouting "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die" for the next 3 days.


  1. Try running CF under TomCat rather than JRun. It's much better at memory management.

    Sorry to hear you got stuck with someone's crap code. Seems to be a common theme with CF projects. Always working on legacy shit. Thankfully I worked my way out of that.

  2. Thanks for the tip TJ. As for the legacy code, meh. I at least got them out of tables and into some semantic XHTML. Baby steps... :D

  3. No problem. Feel free to hit me up if you have any specific CF problems