Zee Bitch is Back Darlins

Yes yes dearies, the trip back to D-town was peachy keen even though it has resulted in exclamations of "Dahling!" being transmogrified into "Darlin!" and I still am having problems touch typing and sleeping.

Tequila was plentiful as were other alcohol treats, though the price tag on a shitty bottle of Valpolicella nearly gave me a coronary. And I ate enough Mexican food to ensure that I will be able to Dutch Oven our dear Sig. Shithead for at least another month. Ole.

Not olestra. Dear christ, I was inundated with Fat Free, Carb Free, Taste Free, Intelligence Free (but 100% all Natural Chemicals) products and tasteless produce the size of a Ethiopian child's head. Even your Evian tastes funny. What have you all done with the food?

And what the fuck are y'all doing with the clothing sizes? i know i've dropped two (Italian) sizes since living here, thanks to no food additives and no personal means of transportation apart from my feet, but there is no fucking way in hell I have dropped from a size 6 to a size 0 in Gap jeans, people.

(yes, sis, I should have exchanged the 2's for 0's instead of 1's; I forgot that jeans stretch after you've worn them for 30 minutes. Please enclose any poison in a can of Dr. Pepper. Thanks)

Oh and let me just reiterate that Delta Airlines may lick my Mexican-Food encrusted asshole for all eternity. Thanks.

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And abstinence does make the heart grow fonder, or at least the pocket salami grow bigger as multiple orgasms were promptly induced by Shithead a mere few hours after my return.

Sesso e la Città Eternà - You Fellas are so Cute When Marking Your Territory

Really. I get this little mental image of y'all lifting your leg and pissing a boundary around the object in question and growling in that way which means "Cross that line and you'll be fertilizer, bub."

Object in question this time being moi.

An old Aussie friend of mine is visiting and staying at my place for a week until his SO arrives, at which point he moves into a hotel. Long ago he acquired the nickname Elephantium Maximus due to a rather puerile, under-the-influence night back before Shithead and I started dating. I had shagged Elephantium Maximus one drunken night before this story starts (which in itself is a story best saved for another time). I digress...

Got Dick?

Sunday night Shithead came back to Rome after a very necessary and stressful trip home. I saw his text message asking what i was doing around 9-ish and replied that we had just finished eat the gnocchi con vongole, ruccola, pachino e zucchini I had made.

(I cooked clams! With Vodka! It was easy! And they made cute little popping noises as I murdered them with butter, garlic, and vodka laced steam! It's like making popcorn and being a god all rolled into one!)

Ahem. Sorry. I digress.

He calls me (I had no credit left) and we chat. Well, I chat; he begs for me to come over. Begs obliquely, but still, begging is begging. I snicker and acquiesce
; I'll do the dishes and then head over to his place. As I put the leftover sauce in a bowl (I cooked clams!), it occurs to me that, having just arrived, he might not have eaten. I text again asking if he wants me to bring over the sauce.

I've already eaten, thanks. The only thing I need is your embrace

That's so corny I could make popcorn with it (Like cooking clams!). I smirk the entire metro ride over and I'm still smirking when he answers the door.

Oh Dear.

I broke a minor rule of mine. Well, not rule per se, more like a corollary of a corollary of a rule.

Rule: Never sleep with someone you work with.
Corollary: Don't kiss friends.
Corollary of the Corollary: Don't kiss friends of friends.

So Saturday night BG & I went out for seafood and then headed back to the pub at work, intending to have a bit of a quiet one. We were both a bit tired, I had my glasses on thanks to the pink eye and neither of us felt like changing to go out. Best laid intentions and all that, around 2am Monkey Boy and Eyebrow Boy show up and persuade us to meet up with Almost Perfect Boy & his new semi-scandalous girlfriend (she's his new waitress) and go dancing at Piper. Without changing. Looking rather dorky.

Monkey Boy is so nicknamed because he climbs all over everything, especially once he starts making unsubtle disappearances to the bathroom.

Eyebrow Boy has some really wicked eyebrows, the kind that give him a rather piercing sguardo. He's been sniffing around me all summer.