Simon's Cat: Cat & Mouse

Zombie Pigeon

I walked into the bathroom a couple of hours ago and found one of my flatmates' cats with what appeared to be a freshly killed pigeon between its paws. This cat easily weighs 6 kilos, if not more. While surprisingly agile, gravity is still its arch-nemisis. My first thought was "Darwin wins again" because that must have been one stupid pigeon to fly into a bathroom and then proceed to get caught by Alpha Fat Cat.

I shooed the other (skinny, but Beta) cat out of the bathroom, closed the door so that dead pigeon carcass wouldn't be spread around the house, and called my flatmate.

After hanging up with her, I went back into the bathroom in order to pry the other cat away from the flying rat carcass. Much to my surprise, I found the pigeon perched on top on the shower stall and Alpha Fat Cat mrowing at its unobtainable prey.

So there's a fucking zombie pigeon in my bathroom, and my plans to grab a quick shower and go grocery shopping are well and truly fucked for the next couple of hours.

And let's not forget I'm allergic to the little flying rats...

On Flashing Red Lights

Chatting with Olive about a third person's relationship ¹ brought up the phrase "That would be a big fucking flashing red light to me." Which reminded me of a night out in Ariccia ² with some friends about a year ago.

Thanks to a discussion about how someone's cats would pet their fish, I found myself recounting the time the Shithead had bought two goldfish. For the cats to eat.

He had always gone on ³ about buying them either a couple of white mice or goldfish to eat, arguing that it was in their animal nature. I had always put my foot down, not only because ewww, cruel but also knowing how the cats played with their toys, I didn't really want to clean mousey blood spatter off the white walls of the flat.

Adding insult to injury...

Bacco got sterilized the day after I left for the Dallas Hols 2006. I got back last night and discovered that the procedure apparently involved painting his butt with some blue substance that I assume was an anaesthetic or something.

Insult to injury: not only do your balls get snipped, but it looks like you were ass raped by a Smurf.

Bacco er mammone

Bacco is a big fat mama's boy. That is the only explanation I have at my disposal to explain this...this...

...this sucking.

He sucks on my cotton shirts constantly. And as 90% of my upper wardrobe is cotton t-shirts, I've got kitty saliva wet spots on my shirt in at least three places at any given time. I'm wondering if they make kitty pacifiers.

It's only me he actively seeks to suck on; the SO only gets the sucking treatment when he's wearing his bathrobe. We actually used the sucking to get him to fall asleep the other night when he was showing no sign of tiring at the "Bite Our Feet Through the Covers" game.

I try to keep him from sucking on the obvious targets - methinks SO's getting a wee bit jealous as Bacco's constantly sucking the proverbial cotton teet every night. The routine is something along the lines of

*SLURP*SLURP*SLURP*SLURP*
*ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
*SLURP*SLURP*
*ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
*SLURP*SLURP*SLURP*SLURP*
*ZZZZZZZZZZZZ*

etc etc etc.

When he grows tired of the taste of cotton he wanders off and falls asleep in his own little corner. And so he mewls for three things only: food, play time, and sucking time.

There is so no doubt about Bacco's nationality.

#3064 - Amore, I Can't Believe You Just Said That

"Let's have baby so Bacco has someone to play with."

...

Curly put it best during my recent trip to Berlin:

"SO says some incredibly stupid things sometimes."

Two Sides to Every Coin

HATE:

The SO's & my trip back to his familial home was less than my idea of a perfect vacation, stemming from one of the things I absolutely hate about him:

His ex's.

We've previously established that I will not be one of those girlfriends that insist on all past ties cut and no female friends whatsoever, despite the fact that I am fanatically jealous. In return, I expect not to be regaled with either stories about them nor spend time in their presence, unless he wishes to witness my metamorphosis into a hysterical psychotic bitch.

In the country where the familial home is, the cultural norm is to visit someone whenever the whim strikes. As the SO had loaned some money to the brother of Girl He Lost His Virginity to and Shagged for Old Times Sakes Just Over 2 Years Ago, I was fully expecting that he would see her to pick up monies owed.

I was not expecting to have to endure her presence, in front of his family & Marco Bevecomeunaspugna (who came with us), especially without warning.

Twice.

The first night she popped over I managed well enough until bedtime, at which point I gave him the Look. the Look is the one well known to males everywhere - it's the one that says "Oh, buddy did you ever fuck up and I'm thisclose to chopping our balls off now."

He just added fuel to the flame by being a prick and saying "Fine, I'll sleep in the other room tonight." Subtext: you're being an unreasonable bitch.

I am so fucking cute. Yes I am. I'm a fucking cutie pie.

Q: Have the insatiable urge to speak utter crap baby-waby tawk, but just don't want something popping out from between your legs just yet?

A: Kitten.

No name yet, though I'm seriously considering Yoda due to a certain look he gave me last night. "SO jr." is also being considered as he acts perma-stoned and gets that slitty eyed look that SO does when high.

Are you just soooo cute? Yes yous are! Widdle cutie pie yes he is.

Dear god somebody slap me.

EDIT:Though "Hey Cat" was beginning to grow on me, I've finally named the cute little bugger thanks to a suggestion from the SO.

I was considering "Dopey" (like the dwarf) or "Imshee" ("Move it!" in the SO's third mother tongue), but after the SO suggested it, we have:

Bacco - Italian for Bacchus. 'Cause he's either sleeping, drunkenly falling off something, or sleeping in a position that eventually leads to him drunkenly falling off something.