27 September 2012

Knocked Up: 9th Month Bookend Deja Vu

Bookend deja vu in the sense that I'm having first trimester medical establishment woes flashbacks. Went to see a private gyno at the SSN-associated clinic where we are planning to give birth. She gave us a long list of tests to get done, which, like the first trimester tests prescribed by Dr. Dippy, required me to get the prescriptions from my GP.

Only problem is, when I went to my GP's office, I discovered she had passed away due to breast cancer.

Well, no let me amend that. I discovered later on from my former flatmates that she had passed away. At the time, the dentist with whom she had shared a studio gave the obviously enormously pregnant lady standing in front of him absolutely no fucking information whatsoever, aside from "Non c'è più. Devi cambiare dottore al ASL."

As she wasn't a spring chicken and had been ill with something unspecified earlier in the year, with other doctors filling in for her at the time, I though maybe she had retired and translated this as "She's not here anymore.You have to change doctors at the ASL." To say I was nonplussed when the dentist slammed the door in my face upon his pronouncement would be an understatement. Dude, you wanna be a bit more helpful to the chick who looks like her amniotic fluid could break on your doorstep, please?

I did feel properly guilty when I discovered the particulars, but can we just admit I have some spectacularly bad juju going with the SSN for some reason? Eesh...

So off to the ASL the next day, which is actually back where my old flat is because my residence is still there (When Peanut comes, I have to redo my docs again, so had planned to knock it all out then as I don't fancy paying and running around twice over.) I wasn't able to change my doctor in spite of the fact that I had my passport as a valid ID and my health card as specified on the website. Because I had a preggo moment and left my permesso at home, the chick refused to change it for me. For the love of Dog...

Finally got that changed, went to the new doc to get the 12 various prescriptions I need for the next month and all the tests. Went to the old ASL office again to see if they did the requisite 3rd trimester vag swabs. The lady told us to get all the blood & pee tests done at the local hospital along with the vag swabs, and no we didn't need to reserve an appointment for the latter.

Mon Amour called the hospital nearest our new flat and was informed that we would need to make an appointment for the vag swabs. So the next morning we go there to get the blood and pee tests done and make the reservation. We get to the CUP (where you pay for your various prescription tickets and in theory make appointments). Being obviously enormously pregnant has it's advantages as you get to cut in line in front of everyone else by law. The gentleman who was next up gave us a gracious smile as we thanked him. He was gonna regret that...

The dude behind the window must have been new or just spectacularly stupid. He first looks at all the scripts and says that they don't do any of them. Um, no, we called ahead to check. So off he goes to confer with his colleagues. When he comes back, he tells us we have to reserve the vag swab appointment directly with the OB/GYN department. Then he fumbles through the rest of the scripts, and informs us that they don't do the blood test for bile acids. Joy. Then when totaling up everything, he forgets some of the tests are payment exempt for preggos.

At one point I turn around and mouth "Scusa" to the dude who let us pass ahead. He looks righteously cranky. Whoops.

The total still came to about €90 of tests. Which would be waaaaaaay more in the US, I know, but again highlights the difference when going private throughout this whole experience.Tests a go-go...

Blood & pee tests done, we track down the OB/GYN department. The jolly little doctoressa who catches us in the hall apologetically informs us her first opening is the 15th of October, too late for us. She tells us to try San Camillo or San Giovanni.

Upon reaching home, we discover that while the hospitals have changed procedure, requiring appointments to be made for the vag swabs, nobody has bothered to inform the regional reservation hotline, who insist that you don't need an appointment, you just show up.This is super recent, because my sister-in-law gave birth in June and had no problem waltzing in sans appointment to get her vag swabbed.When she called the hospital where she had gone, she was informed that they too now required appointments.

See what I mean about my bad SSN juju?

Today we went back to my old ASL to get the bile test done and the vag swab done at an SSN associated private clinic. There we were informed that we had been prescribed the super duper vag swab, which wouldn't be all SSN subsidized.

€85 for two large q-tips shoved up my twat. Yippee.

This afternoon was slightly better as we met with my anesthesiologist friend at the birth clinic to do the requisite consultation for an eventual epidural, should I so desire one.

I told Mon Amour, I plan on trying to hold out sans epidural, but if I start making menacing comments or gestures towards his crotch, get the epidural drip tube stuck in my back.

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