23 August 2002

Pervy Sex Fiends R Us

Am I gazing a bit lower than my navel? Hell yes.

I admit, topics around here lately have been a blog of my libido and dating travails. Eh, those that know me in real life (you know, the time you spend *away* from the computer) already know that I'm a perv. I like sex, even when I'm not getting any. I've never understood the part of the female population that thinks knocking boots twice a week constitutes a very active sex life. It boggles my mind. I am left wondering if whether I have just been gifted with a freakishly active libido or if these poor girls just haven't had great experiences. Or don't masturbate enough. I'm not casting aspersions on anyone here, it's something I honestly don't understand.

Which is not to say I will shag anything that moves. I vastly, VASTLY prefer sex in a relationship. Half the fun for me is discovering the other person's body. Every frickin' inch of it. Learning it like the back of my own hand, being able to tell from a sigh if they're going to come or if they want the moment prolonged. Monogamous nymphomania, bay-bee. Unfortunately, my track record with relationships as of late is batting a .000 average. Which is why god invented vibrators.

Mine is nicknamed "The Silver Bullet". It's silver. It's bullet shaped. It is not anatomically correct (one of those weird puritanical laws back in the states). I bought it back in Texas and was ever so glad that customs didn't randomly search my bags when I returned to Italy. It's actually The Silver Bullet v2.0, as version1.0 did not come over with me on the maiden voyage through Europe. It takes two AA batteries. I've lost count of the number of batteries I've gone through in the last 10 months of celibacy. Males have Jergen's hand lotion, I have the Energizer Bunny. Go figure.

Anyway, eventually I'll get off the sex 'n dating subject. It just happens to be relevant in my life right now. Besides which, after being out of the single scenario for a good couple of years (and never having been proficient at dating in the first place), the mating game is really silly when you step back and look at it. I have to laugh at my experiences. It's either laugh or scream, and I've had enough screaming in my life recently, thankyouverymuch.

A dopo It's Friday night and I have to get ready to go dancing.

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