26 August 2002

Pick Up Lines and Other Foibles

How the hell do you guys come up with this crap?

Has anyone in the history of mankind actually fallen for a pick-up line? Anyone? Bueller? Uh-huh. Thought not.

So why the hell do guys persist in using them? I'm much more likely to fall for some intelligent conversation and a guy who's interested in both my brains and my tits than some dude with a one liner and a one track mind.

I've heard everything from the classically corny (Hey baby, what's your sign) to the amusingly blunt (Nice shoes. Want to fuck?) to the appallingly dumb and offensive (Are your tits real?)

Last night I heard what just might constitute the Dumbest Fucking Line Ever Uttered.

Do you mind if I take off my pants? It's hot.

I think my jaw dropped from the sheer idiocy of that line. Granted, I had already figured out that this guy was not Einstein's peer, and, yes, it was pretty hot and humid last night. But....sheesh. (My girl friends and I were over at this guy's house, and they were, uh, busy in another room, leaving me with Pants Boy)

Being the cockteasing heartless bitch that I am, I told him to go for it. I figured if he started to get fresh I could always resort to making insulting remarks about his dick size. I really wanted to see if he'd actually take off his pants and continue to sit around in his underwear as we chatted.

He did.

I managed to hold back the snickering, but only just. The absurdity of the situation was overwhelming. Me and some guy I had just met that night conversing while he was wearing only a black pair of briefs. And socks. Thinking that I was going to jump his bones just because he had dropped trou. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

I left.

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