06 February 2003

Things about Males that I will Never Understand #369*

That Time of the Month==Woo-Hoo! Butt Sex!

My Secondary Virgin status hasn't changed, so never fear, there will still be plenty of whinging fuelled by sexual frustration on this here blog. It's just something that I was idley musing on last night while ripping apart my room in an attempt to find where I hid my emergency tampon stash.

See, I was cursing this menstrual thing under my breath, namely because A) Aunt Flo came a few days earlier than I expected and B) as I've mentioned before, during the Period period, I am hornier than an 18 year old boy with a stash of Viagra and a passed out cheerleader on the couch.

And of course, the horny thing got me thinking about trains going into tunnels, oil wells erupting, time elapsed blooming roses, engine pistons, butter churns, pap smears, and keilbasa sausages.

Right. I was thinking about cock. Lots of it. Like, now. Gah....

What was my point? Oh yeah.

So I was thinking about sex. Then I started thinking about how great sex was for easing cramps. Then I started thinking about some of the guys I have dated and their reactions to "Um, as much as I would like to further this makeout session I feel it's only fair to warn you that I am on the rag."

I consider it good sexual etiquette to warn somebody that I am bleeding from the crotch before they put their hand down there. On the other hand, we have already established that my hormones are also screaming "I want to fuck and I want to fuck now".

Never fear, dear! Anal sex is here!


Now, don't get me wrong here. I ain't no prude. And I understand that some guys are freaked out about Mr. Willy getting painted red. What I don't understand (condom filled one night stand *or* long term mutually monogamous relationship) is how sticking your dick up the Hershey trail is less gross than bloody pussy.

?!?!?!? What the fuck is the mental thought process there?!?!?!?

And yes, I know this doesn't apply for all guys blah blah blah. I am merely weighing the percentages in my personal experience. I just don't get it.

Anyway, I think I have now reached an all new level of crass with this post. I blame the hormones.

*Unless, of course, one of you friendly Pecker Possessors cares to enlighten me.

No comments:

Post a Comment