GUEST ENTRY by RD'S HENCHWOMAN

(because the resident dictator is busy)

Being short makes me laugh.

Case in point:

Like almost everyone in my family, I am of small stature. Read: almost midget-like. A whole whopping 5 feet and 1 inch. Ordinarily, I am super fine with this. I can always maneuver my way through a crowd like a hot knife through butter, and it's very easy to tell when a guy is looking at my tits and not my face (I'm not THAT short). Besides, if I feel like being tall I'll just strap some heels on. But the one situation I can never outsmart is a very heel-unfriendly large concert.

As a result of some serious ass-busting at work, I was given box seats to a concert last night. Pearl Jam, to be specific. (Who, by the way, freaking ROCKED. Never have I been so turned on by a voice. I finally get the phone sex thing now. Oh yeah, and the music was phenomenal as
well.) Anyhoo, the "box seats" at the venue are just that, seats with a box around them. No elevation, which proved to be a problem. There are other amenities, like nice cushiony chairs and a waitress to fetch your beers and food. But she was nonexistent and who the heck sits at a concert anyway?

So, of course, the 6 foot 5 football players are standing right in front of out seats. Normally not a problem, you just look through the gap between their heads and that's that. These guys were really feelin' it, though, for the whole show. I mean REALLY. They danced the entire time, and not in the head-bobbin', rawk-on way most concert-goers dance. They were Johnny Rockstars, weavin' and shakin' and in general providing some great entertainment to the one they stood in front of...me. Just imagine these two fellas, now picture some lil shorty behind them swaying along so she could get a glimpse of Mr. Sexypants himself, Eddie Vedder. It was a good workout. My thighs and calves are loving life today.

I'm not upset or anything - still got to see PJ for the first time ever and for free to boot. And it's one of those things you'll never forget.

I guess there are always elevator shoes for future concerts. Either that or I'll show my tits and get backstage.