16 July 2003


Of fuck buddies, wet spots, and the whole female ejaculation thing.

Alrighty, let's just get this out of the way. After over 11 months of excessive masturbation and subsidising the entire AA battery economy, I bit the bullet figuratively speaking and got meself a fuck buddy. He's a nice guy who has selflessly sacrificed himself on the pyre of my one year hormone build up. It's a summer thang and that's all the fucking-n-telling I'm going to do on the subject of Mr. Boink Buddy.

Buuuuuut, now that I've finally remembered how to have sex (christ I forgot I had those muscles. Never again 11 months of celibacy. I swear on the altars of Wanton Use-Em-Like-A-Kleenex Slutiness...what was I saying? oh yeah...)

Yes, now that I've remembered how to do the horizontal tango I've also remembered my talent for creating a massive wet spot.

Some girls get wet - I drip. Excessively.

I've seen alot of stories debating about female ejaculation and whether it really exists or not and I'm not going to get into that debate here. But the fact remains that I never have to buy a bottle of Astroglide. I should probably invest in some rubber sheets though. It's sort of embarrassing when the guy rolls over into the lake my loins just created and thinks I came so hard I pissed myself.

"What's that? Piss?"
"Uh, no. It's the wet spot."
"Are you sure?"
"Does it smell like piss?"
"It's the wet spot. Trust me."

Maybe I could learn to actually squirt. That could be fun. Just picture it: some guy eating me out and I come in his face. Talk about yer sexual role reversal. I hate it when you guys accidentally on purpose squirt that shit in my eyes. Burns like a motherfucker. Payback time, boys. Ooo yes I am likin' this idea. Especially since practice makes perfect.

One should never let one's talents go to waste, right?

No comments:

Post a Comment