Linguistic Brainfart Mad-Libs Time

It ain't ironic, it's.....

When an American born chica has been waiting over a year for the paperwork to be completed for an Italian work permit, finally gets the postcard with the appointment date to pick up said permit, and the appointment date is the morning of September 11th, it ain't ironic, it's..........

Help me out here people.

Bad Luck Charm

Or How My Vibrator is Ruining My Sex Life

So my best girl friend and I were sweltering in the corner of a friend's bar last night sipping our Vodka Red Bulls when the conversation turned to sex.

All right, so it didn't "turn" to sex, it started out that way. But i digress...

We were discussing a veritable range of sexual topics under the cover of the music, like how we didn't bleed when we lost our virginity, my reaction to my first uncut schlong, whether Italian boys really are gifted in *that* area or if I'd just been lucky, yadda yadda yadda.

And eventually we got to talking about our respective last hookups. At which point I bemoaned the fact that I'm back on the Battery Bandwagon and teased her that i was going to buy her a vibrator for her birthday. Amid vehement cries of "No way. What the hell would I tell everyone when they asked me what I got?" she stopped me dead cold with

"Besides, it brings bad luck."

Whaaa?

Apparently, my grand love affair with the Energizer Bunny and little side flings with Duracell Coppertops is jinxing my sex life. My 11 month run of no nookie was caused by a Vibrator Evil Eye.