First Item on My XXX-mas List

So much easier than Saran-Wrapping a Nokia 8210.

I miss my little Nokia 8210. That was the first phone I could stick in my back jeans pocket without feeling like I had a Radio Shack 1980's walkie-talkie hanging off my ass. And boy howdy, that vibe function was *strong*.

I'd forget I had it in my back pocket and literally jump every time i got a call or a message, with surrounding friends or co-workers snickering every time. I'd say it was comparable to the middle speed setting on the Silver Bullet vibrator. Then again, it could have just been my tight jeans.

Sadly the screen died after almost 2 years. Which will happen if you constantly stick it in the back pocket of your very tight jeans and sit on it everyday. The Motorolla I bought afterwards didn't even last 2 fucking months before it had to be taken into the shop and replaced. Then it died again 3 months later, at which point I said fuck it, as the replacement center is out in the boonies and takes forever to get to on public transportation.

Because I have better things to be doing with my time than arguing with some Motorola bitch about what absolute pieces of shite they make.

In theory, anyways.

Lo Sguardo Assassino Vol.1

Last week me and the Best GirlFriend got up to our normal hijinks three days running.

First night we went to the last bar of the pub crawl run by our friends, getting only slightly stupid by the end of the night. Well, we two girls were only slightly stupid. Our two male friends/co-workers were bouldered. Larry and Curly* have a disconcerting yet affectionate habit of groping sundry body parts under the influence, and we retaliate with nipple twisting, ice down shirts, and the occasional entire drink poured over head. So there was that. Then we took them home and attempted to get them upstairs quietly without waking up the entire street. At which point they decided to jump on me. Imagine if you will two 6 foot-ish boys both attempting to administer a bum-rush bear hug to a 5'1" female. The bruise on my ass is turning an interesting shade of greeny-purple. Various other exercises in 4am absurdity ensued, but as they are vastly more entertaining for the parties involved, I'll spare you further details.

Second night we went to Goa, traditionally one of Rome's more snotty discos. Being two females with a male acquaintance already inside the club, it wasn't difficult getting in. We eventually found said acquaintance, not that we were looking that hard at the time.