WORSHIP AT THE ALTAR OF CONSUMERISM.

Praise Jesus Amen, Pass the Plate Around Again. I just received this from my dad:

God is like...BAYER ASPIRIN He works miracles.
God is like... a FORD He's got a better idea.
God is like... COKE He's the real thing.
God is like... HALLMARK CARDS He cares enough to send His very best.
God is like... TIDE He gets the stains out that others leave behind.
God is like... GENERAL ELECTRIC He brings good things to life.
God is like... SEARS He has everything.
God is like... ALKA-SELTZER Try him, you'll like Him.
God is like... SCOTCH TAPE You can't see him, but you know He's there.
God is like... DELTA He's ready when you are.
God is like... ALLSTATE You're in good hands with Him.
God is like... VO-5 Hair Spray He holds through all kinds of weather.
God is like... DIAL SOAP Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?
God is like... the U.S. POST OFFICE Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.

Now apart from the fact that this reads like a suburbian pleb hausfrau's daily to-do list, raise your hand if this makes you want to hammer a tetnus-rife railroad spike through someone's head.

Time to have some fun with this:

God is like...BAYER ASPIRIN He works miracles. He doesn't like Jews either.
God is like... a FORD He's got a better idea. Betty Ford, to be precise.
God is likes... COKE He's the real thing. Perferrably pure Peruvian Flake.
God is like... HALLMARK CARDS He cares enough to send His very best.
God is like... TIDE He gets the stains out that others leave behind.
God is like... GENERAL ELECTRIC He brings good things to life.
God is like... SEARS He has everything.
God is like... ALKA-SELTZER Try him, you'll like Him. He does fuck all for your hangover
God is like... SCOTCH TAPE You can't see him, but you know He's there.
God is like... DELTA He's ready when you are. Is responsible for hoards of people plunging to their firey screaming death
God is like... ALLSTATE You're in good hands with Him. And his priests if you are pre-pubescent.
God is like... VO-5 Hair Spray He holds through all kinds of weather. Flaky, smells like your great-aunt's bathroom, and causes a rash
God is like... DIAL SOAP Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did? Cheap, leaves a film, and promotes B.O.
God is like... the U.S. POST OFFICE Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination. mowing down innocents when he's having a bad day

Brain block on the other ones. Any other suggestions, boys n' girls?