07 September 2002

Wymyn Roaring make me want to plug my ears

Excuse me while I roll my eyes.

I ran across this on Metafilter. As poorly thought out crapola like this makes my back molars grate, here's my two cents. (Not in same order as the original page)

Demands from women:

Give us more mad props
With this as the first thing on the list, it's pretty fucking hard to take this seriously. And even if it's serious, I don't go around handing out gratuitous mad props to anyone. So what is this mad propage for, owning a set of Fallopian tubes? Woo-fucking-hoo. At least do something to deserve mad props, beside merely existing.

Do no sexually objectify us
Don't gawk at our body parts
yes, ladies, we are more than a pair of tits and a twat. But the next time we start discussing our lover's penis sizes, if it curves to the left or right, how proficient he/she is with their tongues and hands, and how their ass feels when it's cupped in your hand, try to remember that it works both ways.

Don't judge women
How about "Don't judge people"? Actually "Don't prejudge people based on stereotypes" works even better, no?

Recognize women for all work that is done, even yours
Oh now get fucked, ladies. How about being recognised for the work you do and not hogging credit for something you didn't even touch with a ten foot pole. This smacks of underhanded sneaky inner-office tactics. Or did you mean that men should give credit to their mothers every time they finish a 100 page technical report for work. Don't you think that's taking things a *little* too far?

Share secretarial and clean-up work in activism
How about: do the job that is best suited to you and your talents. If Sally Smith can type a paper in 30 minutes while Joe Bob takes over an hour, it doesn't take rocket science to figure out who will get more work done. I'd be willing to bet you'd get a hell of a lot more done quicker if you look at people's talents and not whether the job puts the person into a "stereotypical sexist role"

Take reproductive responsibility
Hey, this goes double if *you're* the one who has the ability to carry a kid for 9 months. You are the one who lives with your body, so I'm pretty sure you know exactly when Aunt Flo come around every month. If you don't want to have kids, go on the pill. Buy spermicide. Get an IUD. Condoms break, and you can't expect every guy you sleep with outside of a serious relationship to get a vasectomy. So if the condom breaks, and you wind up in the family way, guess who didn't do their share of homework?

Back up women when they're being attacked
That's it guys, jump right in and save the damsel in distress. Way to put off those stereotypes, ladies. Personally, I'd rather fight my own battles without some one jumping willy-nilly into the fray to "back me up" just because I own a set of tits. And if we're talking about physical battle, no, I'm not for random chick-beating. But if it's *true* equality you're looking for, then you'd better be ready to take as well as give. If you start to go after someone with a kitchen cleaver, be prepared for that bitch slap. And vice versa: if someone slaps me, be prepared for the nearest heavy object to come crashing down on your head.

Actively combat sexism
Stay focused on sexism, not your gender role socialization
Take sexism on as your struggle
Don't act as if you can understand our oppression
Don't act like your "oppression" as men is comparable to ours as women
Help us shoulder our battle, but you can't possibly understand? Come on, ladies. If you cannot clearly describe your problems and issues in a such a way as to create empathy in your listeners and potential supporters, then you have no right to ask them to help out. Not to mention that those last two are incredibly fucking rude and obtuse and do nothing to further your cause.

Learn how to have one healthy relationship before having more
Pot. Kettle. Black.

Women don't want to be represented and referred to as partners of men
Why the hell not? Partner implies 'equal', at least to me. Much better than 'ole lady' or such dreck.

· Don't judge women for being "girly"
Don't judge other women for being 'girly' either. The amount of crap dished out to those in the porn and sex industry for perpetuating 'stereotypes' is amazing. And a lot of these girls and women are blindly condemned, without the benefit of say, knowing that person, what prompted them to follow that path, and why they continue to do so. See above "Do not pre-judge people based on stereotypes"

Honor women for non-activist stuff they do
Honor PEOPLE for the non-activist stuff they do. I thought the whole point of combating sexism was to become blind towards the sex of a person.

Don't force women to be "nags"
Then mind your own fucking business and realise that *you* cannot change a person. They have to *want* to change, and this includes breaking the habit of leaving wet towels on the bed.

Realize that when you're off travelling and train-hopping, women are the ones staying at home and building community
Boo-fucking-hoo. Every one in life has choices. If you made the choice to stay at home with the kids, quit expecting a medal of honor for it. If anything, your children becoming productive intelligent members of society should be enough of a reward and recognition.

Make childcare a priority
Again, pot. kettle. black. Pay attention to your children, raise them to respect and contribute to society, yet not blindly follow.

Don't force women into polyamory
You have a choice NOT to enter into polyamory. If you aren't satisfied with your sexual life, you need to sit down and have a serious talk with your (ahem) partner.

Don't make it so hard to be friends
If you find it hard to be friends, I would bet the farm that it's you with the problem, and not the entire population of men. Maybe unreal expectations or demands could be the problem? Nah....

Realize that women don't always feel comfortable or empowered enough to stand up for themselves
If you don't have the metaphorical balls to stand up for yourself, you deserve to get trampled on. No one in this life owes you anything. Fight your own battles.

Take part in intimate relationships without sex
Don't ask us to cuddle if we're in a platonic relationship
Good Lord, you people would be scandalised here in Italy, where physical affection between friends is NORMAL. Guys walk down the streets arm in arm with other guys, girls do the same. And kissing your friends hello and goodbye is a natural normal thing to do. I would hate to be in a friendship that was so sterile as to refrain from physical contact. Ick.

Be mindful of the language you use (i.e., girls, boys, guys, women, men)
I use 'bitch' for males and 'bastard' for females. Am I doing my part to break out of gender roles?

Listen to women, even the "hard asses"·
The 'hard asses' who are ignored usually have either problems fully communicating an idea or are so fixed in a mindset as to render a fruitful discourse impossible.

Give equal consideration to our wants and needs
Equal. Of course, that doesn't mean special consideration, right ladies?

Combat size-ism; acknowledge it as a problem
Where do the trajectories of size-ism and sexism intersect? Or is this just a thinly disguised whine along the lines of "Big women are beautiful too"? They are, but let's not mix up our isms, eh?

Take all of our views into account
And then do exactly what you want and as your conscience dictates. It is after all, your life and you only have one at that. If one was to take all of these views into account and then try to act, they would remain frozen out of fear of berating and derision from one party or another.

Admit when you fuck up
Tits and a twat do not a perfect human being make. POT. KETTLE. BLACK.

Don't be defensive
Again, Pot. Kettle. Black. See, these are human faults, not gender based faults.

Be accountable for your actions
Think through your actions
See above. And practice what you preach.

Believe and support us
Again, if you want to be an equal, start acting like an equal. It's a two way street, so traffic had better be flowing both ways.

Realize that we are not representative of all women
Yes guys. Not all women are as anal, contradictory, and mindless as this list is.

Really, I feel like I'm starting to repeat myself here, so I'll hold off on finishing the rest of the list. The bottom line, though, is talk is cheap. One's actions are far more effective in combating a problem than 60 minutes of whinging, berating, and cajoling. If you truly want equal treatment, act like an equal. If by equal treatment, you mean 'special' treatment, shut the fuck up and sit back down.

Signed, A woman.

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