*Squirt*

Of fuck buddies, wet spots, and the whole female ejaculation thing.

Alrighty, let's just get this out of the way. After over 11 months of excessive masturbation and subsidising the entire AA battery economy, I bit the bullet figuratively speaking and got meself a fuck buddy. He's a nice guy who has selflessly sacrificed himself on the pyre of my one year hormone build up. It's a summer thang and that's all the fucking-n-telling I'm going to do on the subject of Mr. Boink Buddy.

Buuuuuut, now that I've finally remembered how to have sex (christ I forgot I had those muscles. Never again 11 months of celibacy. I swear on the altars of Wanton Use-Em-Like-A-Kleenex Slutiness...what was I saying? oh yeah...)

Yes, now that I've remembered how to do the horizontal tango I've also remembered my talent for creating a massive wet spot.

Some girls get wet - I drip. Excessively.

Adventures in Polling

Not that kind of polling. I'll save that for the next entry.

So I'm getting tired of free crappy hosting. Anyone have halfway dedent suggestions for dirt cheap hosting with MySQL/PHP (control panel, stats and a few subdomains would be nice also).

Have some ideas pinging around in my head for this here Favoloso Mondo, but implementing them on the current space would be a huge pain in the arse.

So gimme some suggestions punks.

What's American

There is nothing more American than a hangover on the 5th of July. That is all.

Is it the Italian blood?

It takes a lot to push my buttons. But once they're pushed...well

All right, so put up a guest entry and then I get some time to actually compose a few incoherent thoughts.

So. Button pushing. It takes a fair bit to get me really upset. But when I do, I don't scream (at first). Usually the frustration just overwhelms me and my hands begin to shake. And then I start to cry. Sort of. I hate crying. So I guess it would be more accurate to say I choke on my tears. Which just makes me even madder.

Like I said, I loathe crying.

GUEST ENTRY by RD'S HENCHWOMAN

(because the resident dictator is busy)

Being short makes me laugh.

Case in point:

Like almost everyone in my family, I am of small stature. Read: almost midget-like. A whole whopping 5 feet and 1 inch. Ordinarily, I am super fine with this. I can always maneuver my way through a crowd like a hot knife through butter, and it's very easy to tell when a guy is looking at my tits and not my face (I'm not THAT short). Besides, if I feel like being tall I'll just strap some heels on. But the one situation I can never outsmart is a very heel-unfriendly large concert.

As a result of some serious ass-busting at work, I was given box seats to a concert last night. Pearl Jam, to be specific. (Who, by the way, freaking ROCKED. Never have I been so turned on by a voice. I finally get the phone sex thing now. Oh yeah, and the music was phenomenal as
well.) Anyhoo, the "box seats" at the venue are just that, seats with a box around them. No elevation, which proved to be a problem. There are other amenities, like nice cushiony chairs and a waitress to fetch your beers and food. But she was nonexistent and who the heck sits at a concert anyway?

So, of course, the 6 foot 5 football players are standing right in front of out seats. Normally not a problem, you just look through the gap between their heads and that's that. These guys were really feelin' it, though, for the whole show. I mean REALLY. They danced the entire time, and not in the head-bobbin', rawk-on way most concert-goers dance. They were Johnny Rockstars, weavin' and shakin' and in general providing some great entertainment to the one they stood in front of...me. Just imagine these two fellas, now picture some lil shorty behind them swaying along so she could get a glimpse of Mr. Sexypants himself, Eddie Vedder. It was a good workout. My thighs and calves are loving life today.

I'm not upset or anything - still got to see PJ for the first time ever and for free to boot. And it's one of those things you'll never forget.

I guess there are always elevator shoes for future concerts. Either that or I'll show my tits and get backstage.